Living in this modern world can often cause us to feel like we are constantly bombarded with negativity. Of course, humans have always had to navigate negative events and difficult times but what our grandparents didn’t have to worry about was a world of 24-hour news cycles and social media at their fingertips. On the flip side, these things also mean that, if we are looking in the right place, we can also be exposed to a lot of positivity and the wonderful things that are happening in the world but that is a blog for another day! The purpose of this blog is to bring awareness to how negativity makes us feel and to how we can move through it, so it doesn’t weigh heavy for too long, or start to heal from it if moving through it proves easier said than done.
Something that comes up a lot in the work that I do is the theory that if something is hysterical, it’s likely historical. What this means is, if we witness or experience something that feels triggering (to the point we struggle to let it go), it’s possible that it has stirred something painful from our past that needs our attention. This is something that I have personally experienced and witnessed regularly with the people who come to me for coaching.
But how do we know if the negativity we feel after a difficult event is something we can move through relatively quickly or something that is crying out for more attention?
Firstly, I find it helps to be curious about why that situation caused you to feel so uncomfortable, as this can help us gain some perspective on the situation. We all have “cycling thoughts” and everything that happens to us throughout the day will contribute to this. Some of these thoughts will be pleasant, some will be neutral (“oh look the neighbour is out cutting the grass”) and others will be unpleasant. If you find that a situation triggers unpleasant thoughts and feelings (let’s say the neighbour who is out cutting his grass is unnecessarily rude to you which makes you feel hurt because usually you get on so well) and lingers long after the interaction has ended, even when you try to focus your mind on something else, this may be a sign that there is something else going on for you. Perhaps you are worried about something unrelated, making the interaction harder to deal with then it would usually be, or, for example, it could be a sign that you are holding on to past hurt caused by someone who you thought you could trust.
Alternatively, if you find that you are irritated by your neighbour’s rudeness but after a little while of focusing your mind on your surroundings you find that the negative feelings start to fade away, this is a sign that you have moved through it and there’s probably nothing deeper at play. You can see the neighbour’s behaviour as a symptom of his own bad day rather than holding on to a limiting belief that it is somehow your fault.
In short, we all have negative thoughts and feelings but if we find that our reaction to an event is either out of proportion to the event itself or we get stuck in the feeling and are unable to move through it, it’s worth exploring what story from your past is being triggered.
As I mentioned previously, when we regularly have access to distressing news, we may find that it causes a drop in our mood. There’s so much sadness and tragedy happening in the world so it’s only natural that, when we are exposed to it, we are going to be negatively affected in some way. However, whilst I understand the need to remain informed, it is also important that we can restore a sense of balance when we are not listening, watching or reading the news. If you can step away from the news by switching the radio or TV off and focusing on something else without feeling overwhelmed by feelings like sadness or despair, then you probably have a healthy balance where you can experience natural feelings of humanity without them weighing so heavily that you can’t focus on anything else. However, if you find that a news item causes obsessive thoughts that are all consuming, leaving you feeling drained, again, there is probably a story from your past that is triggered by it and needs healing.
If you think there is a story that is causing you to hang on to negative feelings, how can you figure out what it might be?
A BodyScan is often the first step for me when I find myself experiencing feelings that I can’t let go of. This can help pinpoint what the feeling is (anger, sadness, fear or vulnerability for example) and where in the body that feeling is being held, so I can explore what limiting belief or past story it is connecting to. The body is very good at giving us information in this way and the more we practise the BodyScan the more we can learn what past experiences might still be impacting our lives. Once we have established what the story might be we can then decide how we start to heal it. Some people find that simply being able to acknowledge a limiting belief helps to alleviate the negative feelings attached to them, while others may notice they are meeting the same problem repeatedly with no resolution and decide that they need a little help in releasing it.
One of the reasons horses are so good at exposing people’s limiting beliefs and patterns is because they live completely in the moment. For example, when a horse chooses not to be in the same space as someone on one of my workshops it may be because, in that moment, the horse is picking up on an energy that they aren’t comfortable with, this could be fear or vulnerability of the participant, a desire to explore the space or simple move. It doesn’t
mean that they dislike the person or that they have any preconceived ideas about them. Nevertheless, this behaviour may cause the person to take it personally and experience feelings of rejection. This is something I try to encourage them to explore – perhaps they experienced some form of rejection as a child that is triggered whenever someone they want to spend time with as an adult isn’t available to them, for whatever reason. Once the
person is able to recognise where the feeling is coming from, they often find that it softens, and they find it easier to connect with the horse.
Whenever you are faced with a triggering situation, I recommend, first and foremost, you remove yourself from the situation when you can and actively find something else to focus on. Go for a walk in nature or spend time in your garden and try to bring your awareness to your surroundings. Sometimes for us to be able to relax all we need is a bit of space to breathe and this is when we know that our reaction to the situation is probably simply the symptom of a stressful day rather than a deeper-rooted problem. If this doesn’t work in relieving your negative feelings then further exploration may be needed.
If you recognise that you struggle to release or change negative feelings and would like support in exploring what might be behind them take a look at the process I offer in my blog entitled ‘change limiting beliefs’ and/or please do reach out for a chat.
