Sometimes we get stuck, feel as if something is missing and we become unhappy. It’s particularly confusing if, on the outside, all looks well in our world.
During my daily interaction on Linked In this week I noticed a post inviting anyone to share their ‘definition of loneliness’. As my cogs started churning, I realised that, for me, the definition of loneliness comes back to a lack of emotional connection. If we are unable to connect with our emotions, we are not able to connect to ourselves or others – and a lack of emotional connection can cause us to feel isolated and alone.
“Loneliness isn’t reliant on the physical presence of someone. Loneliness comes from lack of emotional connection” Bonnie Copeland
I know, from my own personal experience, due to some of life’s circumstances, that despite having a huge and very loving family and wonderful friends, I disconnected from my feelings and for many years felt very lonely and isolated.
Emotional connection is important because if it’s missing it can impact our confidence, self-belief and self-worth, it can block our ability to love and receive love and we may feel isolated from friends, family and our communities.
“Emotional connection is one of our basic human needs”
We may suffer from a lack of emotional connection due to a lack of bonding or attachment with our mother, father or primary caregiver; through a lack of emotional understanding and support for our emotional needs in childhood or we might become disconnected from our emotions and feelings due to a traumatic life event eg; the loss of a loved one, physical, mental or emotional abuse, the sudden onset of illness or an accident.
The reason that emotional connection is important is that it is one of our basic human needs. To be emotionally fulfilled it’s necessary to feel connected to other people and experience friendship, love and intimacy. We all seek love and acceptance and to be supported and understood for who we are and when these desires are met, and we offer these same gifts to another then we create emotional connection and the relationship can thrive.
So, if you are feeling stuck or as if something is missing it is really important that you find a way to reconnect to your emotions. The great thing is that it’s an innate skill, one that you were born with. It’s not something that you have to learn, rather the ability to ‘disconnect’ from your emotions is something to ‘unlearn’!
“It doesn’t make sense; on the outside we enjoy success, have a loving family and wonderful friends yet on the inside we feel a lack of happiness and fulfilment?”
Before we talk about regaining our emotional connection it’s worthwhile mentioning why we disconnect from our emotions in the first place. It’s a survival pattern of behaviour. Unable to ‘feel’ the emotion at the time of the ‘triggering’ event our bodies shut off from our emotions for us to cope.
Unfortunately, this pattern persists and after time we feel as is something is missing, we become disconnected, unhappy, depressed and perhaps even lonely and isolated.
This is often the point at which we seek help – unable to understand why on the outside we enjoy success, have a loving family, wonderful friends and have a comfortable lifestyle and yet on the inside we feel a lack of happiness and fulfilment. It doesn’t make sense; we may become confused as we can’t work it out logically!
To regain your zest for life, to be a loving partner and to enjoy emotional connection with others we need to begin with ourselves. It’s important to get the support we need to identify the cause of our disconnect, to release the emotional and mental blocks and to feel our true feelings once again.
You create and maintain emotional connection with others by knowing how to connect with yourself first!
Whatever the cause the healing process is the same – to reconnect to your true feelings and really FEEL your emotions. Only when we can feel emotional connection to ourselves can we heal the past and pave the way for a new found sense of self love, intimacy in relationship and friendship and emotional connection with our family, friends and communities.
If you would like to find out how my coaching can support you to regain emotional connection then read more.
Doesn’t emotional connection mean that you are more likely to be emotionally hurt?
Hi Tessa, Yes of course! But a common idea is that we want to feel peace, calm and love, but not disappointment, anger or vulnerability etc. and this is the catch! To be able to feel ‘good feeling’ feelings we also have to be open to the ‘not so good feeling’ feelings which may feel hurtful. Once we can feel, embrace, understand and change something in response to those emotions which may feel hurtful they naturally dissipate and we can access our natural feelings of peace, love and joy. I hope that helps. Warm regards Rosie