What is stopping you from stopping?
This may seem like a strange question but let me rephrase it – what is preventing you from taking a break so you can just BE? When was the last time you felt able to just BE? Perhaps the idea of just being without feeling like you should be doing leaves you with sense of discomfort.
I recently enjoyed a lovely break in Portugal and I realised that while I was away not only did I take a physical holiday but I also took a mental one because my mind felt completely rested and cleared. It’s been a while since I felt like this and I realised during a BodyScan that it is something my mind really needs more often in some way or another.
The inspiration for this blog came to me while I was on one of my morning strolls with my dog, Alfie. I recognised that I could really benefit from “walking my talk” when it comes to being at peace with just being, as I can see where there have been many times in my life, and during my career, when I have been teaching this to others but not embracing it myself! Even now there is still a part of me that thinks I “should” be productive at all times rather than allowing myself to enjoy exactly where I am in my life.
The problem I have found when it comes to “just being”, and I know this to be true for several clients I have worked with over the years too, is that niggling belief of “I should be doing…….” This is particularly true for me right now when it comes to work. I have a lovely part time job that offers me financial security, while also being able to continue coaching which is my passion. However, when I find myself without a workshop to prepare for, I’m struck with a sense of not having anything to offer and feeling like “I should be” pushing more so that I can deliver more workshops.
The question I have been asking myself lately is “Why do I NEED to do
anything? Why can’t I simply enjoy what I have now?”
The truth is that my knowledge and wisdom, when it comes to what I support people in, is still worthy whether I have a diary full of future workshops or none at all. It’s always going to be there to be tapped into and it can be delivered in a variety of different ways.
Perhaps you can relate to this? On a day off work do you feel like you must be productive in other ways to justify having five minutes rest? Perhaps you feel like happiness and fulfilment can only be achieved by constantly pushing hard? Of course, to achieve certain things in life we need to work hard. Most successful people probably had to push to get to where they are, but once they have achieved this are they able to sit back and enjoy what they have, or do they feel shame if they don’t continue to push? I think this is key to finding
a balance because if you can’t enjoy your life once you have achieved the success you’ve been striving for then what’s the point?
Now, when I use the word “being” to describe a state of rest I don’t necessarily mean that you need to sit and do absolutely nothing to switch your brain off.
DOING can still be BEING providing the doing allows you to be present in the moment.
A few weeks ago, I had a seemingly “busy” weekend helping both my mum with her garden and my mother-in-law with hers. And when I told someone about this they replied with “Oh that doesn’t sound very relaxing”. When I reflected on this comment, I found it interesting because while I was being active and in a state of “doing”, I found myself able to be completely present in the moment at the same time. I felt total joy in supporting my mum and mother-in-law with no sense of perfectionism or expectations that I had to “keep going until the job was done”. I didn’t have to do it; I chose to do it and, likewise, I was fully able to choose when I stopped. On this occasion, there was a real gift in the doing. So, while being can look like doing completely nothing if that’s what you desire, it can also be doing something that enables you to be present and free of expectations.
For people that are so used to pushing all the time and find themselves in a constant state of doing, finding peace with being will likely require a change in your daily patterns, so you can introduce new ones that allow space for rest. Here are some ways that you can do this:
1. Book time off in your diary so you aren’t tempted to fill every available space you have.
2. Explore ways to take time out that will feel good for you – this could be spending time reading a book or listening to a podcast, going to a class like yoga or dance or booking self-care treatments like a massage.
3. Change your scenery – getting away can give you space and mean you will be less inclined to notice all the things in your usual space that you think “should” be done. Sometimes simply going for a drive can help to clear your mind.
I’m not saying that this will initially be easy if you are one of life’s “doers”. It’s about reframing how you feel about resting, or simply being, and then mentally, as well as physically, embracing the changes in your routine that will allow you to do this. My job as a coach is to help you recognise any resistance you have in this area and help you to work through it so you can get to a point where you can fully enjoy being in the moment and enjoying where you are in your life without feeling like you “should be…..”
If you would like to learn more about how I can support you in this please visit
https://rosiewithey.co.uk
You don’t have to move mountains. You will change the world just by being a warm, kind-hearted human being. – Anita Krizzan
