Change and transformation. I often hear these words used interchangeably, as if they mean the same thing, but the truth is, they don’t. When something in our life changes the process of transformation doesn’t always happen straight away, in fact it rarely does. This is because change is something that happens to us and, big and small, changes happen every day. From a big promotion at work to a change in where you buy your food because your previous choice of shop has closed down. Change is inevitable and something that, for the most part, we learn quite quickly to adapt to on a practical level. Because, in most cases, when change happens, we have no choice but to adapt.
Transformation, however, is something that happens over time. It’s the process we have to go through internally to help us feel at ease with the change.
Here’s a personal example, two years ago I said goodbye to my horses, Jack and Bramble. On a practical level I adapted to the change of no longer having them. I cleared out the stables and I no longer went out to feed them first thing in the morning or return from wherever I was to tend to them in the afternoons. However, three months later I was visiting a family member and at 4pm I found myself getting ready to leave to “go and do the horses”. Even though I knew that this was no longer necessary, my body was still running the programme to do the same routines that I had done every day during their lives time with me. My sub-conscious was still telling me to do what I had
always done because while I had accepted the change, at that stage I hadn’t gone through the internal transformation process.
While transformation is a conscious way to embrace change and, ultimately, is what makes us feel better about any uncomfortable life changing events, this doesn’t tend to be what western society focuses on. You may have noticed how quick people are to praise someone who appears to have adapted “well” to a life changing event. A good example of this is when someone’s loved one dies and a well-meaning friend comments on “how well they are coping”. This comment is usually because what the friend is seeing is the external signs that someone is doing well – things like getting on with funeral arrangements or being able to do the weekly shop without breaking down in the vegetable aisle. What that person doesn’t see is how their friend might still habitually cook too much food because they are used to cooking for two. Or how they struggle to part with any of their loved one’s belongings, even though they have no real use for them.
This isn’t the case in all cultures. Many tribal communities will honour transitions with ceremonies, to make the transformation that its members will need to go through conscious. The importance of embracing the change is the focus rather than simply adapting to it. In short, they recognise that transformation is healing.
“Change is inevitable, growth is optional” – John Maxwell
So, how can we start the transformation process? I think the first step is to allow ourselves to acknowledge that something major has happened in our life and we will need time to fully process that. That may not feel easy in this busy world where we can get sucked in to putting a brave face on everything and “just get on with it” (I so often hear “I should be over this by now” from the people I work with!) If this resonates with you, you may even feel shame about reaching out and asking for help. However, it may benefit you to seek help from a counsellor or coach who can help you move through old habits so
you can get to the point of full transformation.
Before I end this blog I would like to share a quote by William Bridges that I believe summarises the difference between change and transformation;
“Change is situational. Transition on the other hand is psychological. It is not the events, but rather the inner reorientation or self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Without transition, a change is just rearrangement of the furniture.”
If you have experienced major change, no matter how long ago it happened, and feel you need support working towards transformation then please do get in touch so we can have a chat about how my style of coaching may help you. You can email me at rosie@rosiewithey.co.uk
You may also be interested in a previous blog I wrote entitled The True Process of Transformation where I talk about what transformation and how ‘letting go of the old way’ is an important part of the process.
