The Law of Attraction and how it doesn’t mean that it’s your fault whenever things don’t happen as you expected


“Rosie, be careful not to make the law of attraction your new God”. This is a sentence I remember as if I only heard it yesterday but in fact it is something a psychotherapist said to me quite some years ago now.

The law of attraction states that what we put out to the universe we get back, and of course, this can be of a positive or a negative nature. For example, if you believe with every fibre of your being that something will be a success and you behave as if you have already achieved that success, then the chances are very high that the outcome will be close to what you are hoping for. On the other hand, if you go into a situation expecting failure and behaving like the outcome is bleak, chances are it will be.


Basically, positive or negative thoughts influence our actions and so can result in positive or negative experiences.


On the whole, this is something I agree with, and I try to approach every situation with a positive mind set, because I know that this increases the possibility of a positive outcome. But many of our patterns of thinking and behaviour are unconscious and until they become conscious, and we become congruent we do not always know what we are projecting and therefore attracting!

In that same session my psychotherapist recognised that I might be feeling shame because of my belief in this theory. I had convinced myself that I had “failed” at the law of attraction because something that I thought should happen, at the time hadn’t.

The law of attraction can indeed result in some wonderful outcomes in our lives, and by approaching each situation with the mindset that it is already a success, we can manifest results that we want, or at least something similar. But, my understanding of this theory, at the time, caused me to blame and shame myself when something didn’t quite pan out the way I had hoped. So, I created a limiting belief, “It’s all my fault”.


While I do believe that the law of attraction can lead to success and good outcomes, I also think it is important to remember that sometimes things will not turn out as hoped, and “that’s life”.


At some point in our lives, everyone experiences moments of great heartache, trauma or tragedy and, while a belief in the law of attraction may influence how you get through those hard times, it doesn’t mean that you are the cause of every bad thing that happens to you. Hardships are part and parcel of being human and with all the will in the world, some are impossible to avoid. Some even believe that these challenges may be a part of our soul journey.

Unfortunately, many people also use the law of attraction as a way to promote false positivity, perhaps unintentionally. This can be problematic, because in order to work through our feelings we need to first honour them. We can’t do this if we are masking our “negative” emotion with a smile, in the hopes that the universe will see this and reward us with happiness. So, when things go wrong, know you are allowed to feel sad, angry or disappointed. In fact, I strongly recommend that you do feel these emotions if they arise for you. I now believe that when we are honest about our true feelings we become congruent, and from this place we are far more likely to attract what we desire.

The truth is, it is possible to have a vision or aspiration while also staying present in the moment and accepting when things don’t work out quite how we had hoped. There are lessons in everything and sometimes this will mean that we have to take a different approach. However, we can only recognise what this may look like when we accept that the first approach wasn’t working, rather than continue down the same track, knowing deep down that it’s not right. The law of attraction can only work for us when we are truly aligned with the desired outcome no matter what the journey looks like to get there, and this involves an understanding that sometimes life may take us on a scenic route OR cause us to arrive at a completely different, but equally as wonderful, destination to what we thought we wanted.

When something doesn’t work out how you’d hoped, the first thing to ask yourself is “am I truly aligned with the desired outcome or is this something I think should happen?” It may take you a little time to come to an honest answer, as so many of us have been conditioned from childhood to expect certain things from life. If you come to the conclusion that it’s not something you truly want, that could explain why it’s not happening for you. It may be the universe’s way of taking you down a different path, one that you will feel a deeper, more meaningful connection to.

However, if you do feel truly aligned with a certain outcome, perhaps it’s time to change your approach and be open to a different route and the lessons you will learn along the way.


If you would like to find our more about how I work and how my style of coaching can benefit you on your own inner healing journey, please visit my contact page and book a free call.

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