In a recent blog I spoke about transformation and how, in order for someone to truly go through transformation they usually have to reach a crisis point first. In this case perhaps there is a sense that ‘something is missing’. But another state of being that I talk about regularly isn’t quite so dramatic and that is the desire for change. Change is a part of transformation (and can lead to transformation) but whereas transformation usually involves a complete change, of beliefs, behaviours and opens us to a whole new way of being, change is about replacing or adding something and can be small and incremental or larger and more complex.
And before I explain further, it’s important to note that if you feel guilt or shame about experiencing this need it’s normal, so don’t let it hold you back! It may be an indication that you haven’t been supported or encouraged to make changes in the past. It doesn’t necessarily mean that something is missing from your life or that you aren’t satisfied with or love your family or private life. All it means is that you have the feeling that there could be something more or that you are drawn to find a new purpose in your direction. Sometimes it means that while you don’t mind what you do on a day-to-day basis, and it would be easy to carry on going through the motions, it doesn’t quite light you up. Maybe you don’t have the same excitement about your life when you wake up in the morning, you feel bored, or simply lethargic or lacking lustre. These feelings may be a sign of situational depression which can occur when something we were once passionate about starts to feel like a chore. Or we are no longer satisfied with a particular area in our life and we start to feel a yearning for change – although it’s not always easy to know exactly how that looks initially.
In fact, it could be as simple as a desire to continue what you are doing but in a different way or to add something to it that just gives it that little something extra to fill you with joy and for it to have meaning.
Sometimes, the only thing we have to tell us that we desire change is that niggling voice or feeling inside that doesn’t quite go away, and is there in everything we do. We may try to push the voice down or ignore it, but it’s there to remind us that there is another way to live and to be.
I have been through similar experiences myself. For years I ran a successful business as a riding instructor and whilst I enjoyed this, it also became clear to me that my real passion was the connection between horse and rider. I had a strong feeling that there had to be a better way to help people connect with their horses and do so on a much deeper level. I didn’t want to go through the motions anymore of teaching people the mechanics of how to ride well (even though that would have been physically easy for me to do). I wanted to explore other ways of working with horse and owner to give them the tools to build a stronger relationship. It was this desire, after years of trying to ignore that niggling voice inside, that lead me initially to techniques like Tellington Touch and Connected Riding.
As I incorporated these into my work and changed my way of teaching – to help riders understand their horse’s movement and behaviour, leading to a deeper connection, I felt a new sense of purpose in my life. Eventually, I have to admit that, with a little help from my own horse Jack, this led me to travel to Arizona to start my journey into Equine Facilitated Learning – and this was a transformation, a complete change which you can read more about in My Story.
My point is, I just felt like there had to be more and that the work I was currently doing would have deeper purpose if I changed direction or approached it in a different way. I didn’t want to stop working with horses or riders but the way in which I was working with them no longer served me or inspired me.
A desire for change may be harder to embrace if you are a people pleaser (and I would put myself in that category) or if you have not felt supported to make changes in the past. We are so conditioned to ignore what our body and feelings are trying to communicate to us and it’s easy to get caught up in everyone else’s “chatter”. For example you may have heard “You’re really good at what you do, why change? (or why give it up?)”. When making decisions for ourselves we often don’t actually take into consideration what we want or need, only what we think is the right thing to do by others.
Sometimes the only way we can really recognise our true desires is to step away from the noise and give ourselves space to connect with how we are feeling. The answers are there and deep down we know what we want but we need time and quiet to bring them to the surface and to figure out the next steps in getting there.
So what are some signs that you are feeling the need for change?
It could simply be that a current situation is no longer serving you and you want a new challenge or something that feels a bit more exciting and provides inspiration to your day. It could also be a feeling that you crave a different way of being – perhaps you have always been known as a “busy” person but in reality you want a slower, quieter way of life. Perhaps you’ve gathered a number of skills over time, linked to something you are passionate about, but don’t know the best way of bringing them together. Or it could simply be that you feel stuck, lethargic, bored, you’ve lost enthusiasm for your work/life or are a bit frustrated.
Sometimes, even when a dream comes true, you can still be left feeling like something needs to change for it to be completely in alignment with who you are. This doesn’t make you greedy or ungrateful for the success you have already experienced, it simply means that you are ready to expand on that.
Equine Facilitated Learning and the work that I do will give you that time and space to connect with your true feelings about your situation and not to be blocked by the feelings of others. You recognise what you already know about your truest desires, giving you a sense of knowing where to start to make this change happen. I will also help you to communicate your needs to others in such a way that your relationships will feel more meaningful, because you will overcome your need to please others and know that you are able to express what you want.
If you have recognised yourself in anything I have described in this blog and would like to learn more then please do get in touch. I work with my clients in a number of ways so I hope there will be something that suits the way you work best and help you on your journey towards a life that lights you up, inspires you and you feel aligned with. Please email rosie@rosiewithey.co.uk to arrange a chat.
