Is it ‘just the way it is’ or do I create my reality?

When things are going well for me I like to believe that I’ve created my reality.

When things are not going well though I don’t want to believe that I’m in any way responsible and I tell myself ‘it’s just the way it is’!

But is it just the way it is, or do I create my reality? It’s a topic that intrigues me and one which I’ve been studying and playing with for some years. This week I decided to re-read ‘Ask and It is Given’ – Learning to Manifest your Desires by Esther & Jerry Hicks – The Teachings of Abraham. In doing so, I realise how far I’ve come since I first read the book some 15+ years ago and what skills I now want to hone.

I’m very aware of what desires I have manifested, which include the beautiful home we now live in. In 2000 whilst attending a coaching programme I completed an exercise entitled an Ideal Day and I wrote about my dream home, a property with adjoining land on which to keep my horses. In 2003 when I sold my Riding Centre I bought a small house in a nearby village, whilst I still yearned for a property with land. In 2005 I decided to start focusing with earnest and worked my way through some of the exercises in ‘Ask and it is Given’. In August 2006 a beautiful farmhouse with adjoining stables and land came up for rent and in September 2006 we moved in.

The Law of Attraction as defined by Wikipedia is: the belief that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts people can bring positive or negative experiences into their life. The belief is based on the idea that people and their thoughts are both made from “pure energy” and that through the process of “like energy attracting like energy” a person can improve his own health, wealth and personal relationships.

If it’s just as simple as focusing on what we desire with a positive intent why are we not all fulfilling our dreams. Well, that’s what I’ve been exploring for the past few years and I’ve come to realise that it’s because there is some resistance.

Here are a few ways in which you could hold yourself apart from your desire.

“Worrying is using your imagination to create something that you do not want”

Let’s say that you desire a new car:

1. Focusing on not having it. The most common explanation is that even though you might desire a new car you are spending more time worrying that it will not happen! According to Esther & Jerry Hicks “Worrying is using your imagination to create something that you do not want. If there is something that you desire that you currently do not have, and you put your attention upon not having it, then the Law of Attraction will continue to match that not having vibration.”

2. It may not be what you truly want for yourself. It might have been a good idea at the time, but then you become aware that what you really want to spend your money on is a family holiday.

3. Limiting belief. You’ve had several opportunities to have a new car, but you haven’t taken them. This may be caused by a limiting (survival) belief. E.g. A member of your family offers to give you the money for the car and you say, “No thank you, I should be able to buy it myself”. There is a belief that “everything has to be (hard) earned” and this prevents you from being open to receiving the car by way of a gift!

4. Lack of self-worth. You have a lack of self-worth. You might notice thoughts such as “I didn’t look after the last car, so there’s no point me having a new one, it would be better for me to have a second hand one”. If you don’t believe you are worthy of a new car you will not maintain your focus and will likely end up with a second hand one. (N.B. Of course it’s also possible to manifest a second-hand car if that’s what you desire.)

So, how do you know if you are moving toward your desire or if you have some resistance?

Simply by paying attention to how you feel. When your thoughts are a vibrational match to your desire, you feel good; when you are giving your attention to the lack, or absence, of your desire you will not feel good.

Once you have released the resistance you will naturally act, inspired by your heart’s desire and positive focused intent.

The good news is that once you have released the resistance you will naturally act, inspired by your heart’s desire and positive focused intent. It will become the next obvious step.

For example:

Last year I had the idea to buy a marquee or yurt so that I could have a larger, enclosed dry space from which to offer my private sessions and workshops at home. My first resistance was deciding what I really wanted. I ping-ponged between a marquee and a yurt. Then I became aware of a limiting belief “You won’t make enough use of it and it will be a waste of money” and I persuaded myself that the stable I was using was quite adequate. The winter came, and I lost my focus completely. However, when Spring arrived the desire resurfaced. In March my partner wanted to use the stable for a few days to look after a friend’s dogs. Suddenly I saw the stable as a kennel and my mind moved to the new space that I wanted to create – this sharpened my focus. At the same time, I was creating a new mindfulness programme with the horses (Just Be) and the marquee would offer the opportunity to cater for a larger group. Within days I chose a marquee – it was the next logical step. Two days later I ordered it and within a week it was up!

So, the next time you are struggling to be, do or have something in your life here are some ideas to help you manifest and fulfil your desires.

Decide what it is that you really want. Check that you’re not being influenced by what other people say or think. Write down what it will bring you once you have your new desire in your experience.

Notice your thoughts. When you imagine what joy your desire will bring you let it unfold and grow. When you find yourself worrying about not having it simply NOTICE and shift your focus to something else.

Change your limiting beliefs. If you are not able to shift your focus it could be that this thought is an old (survival) belief, which doesn’t support your new desire. If so, get CURIOUS! Where did this belief come from and how has it served you until now? What behaviour do you repeat? In this situation is this belief true? What could you do differently and what new belief feels good and will support your new desire.

Self-worth isn’t something that you have to achieve, you were born with it

Allow your self-worth to expand. As you unfold your limiting (survival) belief patterns you may find that you had a genuine reason to be cut off from your natural self esteem. Self-worth isn’t something that you have to achieve, you were born with it but became disconnected from it. As you release the resistance of old patterns notice how your self-worth unfolds, expands and grows.

Take the action which is inspired by releasing the resistance to what you really want.

I can’t really tell you if ‘it’s just the way it is’ if I don’t fulfil my dreams or whether I’ve failed to create my reality! All I know is that when I follow the steps that I’ve outlined above I feel good and I truly believe that this makes me more likely to manifest my desires.

I’ve developed my skill of noticing through a mindfulness practice, but the skill that I now want to hone is that of shifting my thoughts when I find myself worrying about ‘not yet seeing’ my new desire.

What is your experience of creating your reality? I would love to hear from you if you have a story of manifestation. If you would like some help to change your limiting beliefs then do get in touch.

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