Lack of self-worth affects most of us to some degree and it’s important to notice the symptoms. For example; not feeling good enough, obsessed with being perfect, needing external approval to feel good and being a people pleaser are just a few, the list is endless. It’s important to know that these are simply symptoms of low self-worth and not a part of our personality.

The truth is that worth is an inherent part of our Being, we are born worthy, but for various reasons we can lose connection to that sense of self-worth.

The truth is that worth is an inherent part of our Being, we are born worthy, but for various reasons we can lose connection to that sense of self-worth.

Perhaps we grew up with parents or caregivers who had too high expectations for us or who were overprotective or maybe we had parents who were too busy for us or who were often in conflict. Maybe our lack of self-worth started at school when we felt the odd one out and began to negatively compare ourselves with others. Or it could be that we suffered a traumatic event in our lives which could range from being in an accident, experiencing abuse, witnessing a trauma or even from making a bad choice in life.

As we experience these blows to our self-worth we disconnect from our feelings of anger, grief and sadness and disassociate in order to survive. Unfortunately, when we disconnect from these challenging feelings, we also deny our access to our authentic joy, contentment and happiness and to our innate self-worth.

If you are struggling to feel happy or content and you can’t put your finger on why perhaps it might just be a sign of low self-worth?

I was one of those people who believed that being a people pleaser was just a part of who I was, I had no idea that it was a pattern of behaviour that I could change if I chose. Now I acknowledge that in some situations it can be a gift, but in others it holds me back from my true worth.

If you are struggling to feel happy or content and you can’t put your finger on why perhaps it might just be a sign of low self-worth?

Here is a 3-step process which I’ve created to help you improve your self-worth:

The first step is:

To feel your feelings, which I wrote about in my blog ‘feeling your feelings sets you free‘. I invite you to get a journal or notebook and write about and express your true feelings and thoughts. Write as if you are talking to your best friend and allow the words to flow. It can be a cathartic process, although not always, but it certainly can provide relief and promote healing. This I call a ‘processing’ journal.

Often the first sign that you are moving in the right direction is the absence of feelings of discomfort. For me it was a revelation to be without a feeling of anxiety in my chest. Initially I felt a sort of emptiness. It was a while before I noticed my relaxed shoulders, my steady breathing and a tingling in my body and hands – which I now know to be as a sign of contentment, happiness and peace.

love and appreciate yourself for who you are

The second step is:

To identify the source of your contentment, joy, excitement and happiness. Keep a separate journal and in this one record what you are grateful for and how you manifested your ‘feel good’ feelings of joy, happiness or contentment. This helps you to create an archive of ways of helping yourself to feel good in the future. This I call a gratitude journal.

When you are having a down day you can pick up this journal and choose one of your ideas; perhaps it’s a trip to the theatre with friends, a massage, a walk in the forest, a holiday or a quiet night in with a book.

My two journals serve me well. When I’m feeling down, I begin by writing about it in my ‘processing’ journal. I openly share my feelings and release my emotions by writing.

I then look at my Gratitude Journal for an idea to ‘kick start’ my food feelings.

There came a time, however, when I noticed that I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to ‘feel good’. Here’s a great quote which helped me to realise that I was often looking to feel good through achievement.

“The ego urges you to accomplish, while the soul merely asks you to enjoy the process”

Even though I had greatly improved my self-confidence and self-belief there was still something missing. Shortly afterwards I attended a workshop, and something clicked when we were asked to reflect on the importance of gratitude for the self. Of course, it was my self-worth – it was my soul that I’d lost connection with!

I spent some quiet reflection time on the topic of ‘inner gratitude’. My light bulb moment was that despite being grateful for the outward achievements in my life (in my gratitude journal) it was also essential to be grateful for who I am!

The third step is:

To love and appreciate yourself for who you are. Yes, I recommend that you have a third journal and this one I call my ‘inner worth’ journal!

I usually write in this journal in the evening and reflect on what I am grateful for about myself within that day. Today I’ve written “I am kind, generous and caring. I am compassionate and empathic and meet people where they are and endeavour to help them too. I am a survivor and have an extraordinary inner strength”

If you resonate with this blog and would like support to explore how lack of self-worth may be impacting your life, then please do get in touch.

Self Worth

All the external adoration, respect and adulation in the world,
Can’t drown out the internal voices that tell us,
We are not good enough and unworthy of;
Happiness, love and an abundant life.
When we need others to tell us we’re amazing, worthy and lovable,
In order to feel good about ourselves, it is never enough.
It goes into the bottomless pit
Where our inherent self-worth should be.
It may feel like we are reaching out to receive love,
But in actuality, we are seeking external noise
To help drown out our negative core beliefs.

Love blossoms from the inside out.
That is why it is so important
To do the work necessary to heal our emotional wounds,
To love ourselves and stand strong in who we are.
Only then, are we truly free to give and receive love,
Unconditionally and in abundance.

Jaeda DeWalt